Four Valuable Lessons From My First Year of Marriage

There is more power in being open to learning something new than refusing to learn at all.

Cue Webbie’s I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. That’s me. Prior to the married life, I navigated the world when and how I wanted. The definition of catching flights and not feelings. I was definitely not use to discussing my every move or decision especially finances, but then I married a financial, investing, guru, who studies the stock market all day (side-eye). Just kidding, Im thankful that he does. Today marks my very first wedding anniversary and I want to share the things I have learned thus far. 

Lesson 101: You Have To Discuss Everything

Now I understand why mom’s hide their shoes in the car or dad’s that hide all of their gadgets in the garage. Because no one has time to explain why they purchased a $20 pair of Target sandals or a $10 crop top from Forever 21. Example. My best friends and I decided to book a cruise to Cuba to celebrate our PhD graduation from Michigan. About a week later I told my husband about it (it honestly slipped my mind). His response was that we should’ve discussed it first. Then it hit me…Im married now and I have to discuss these things. Oops, my mistake. But in all honesty, this is super important especially for newlyweds where there are constant changes and adjustments. You definitely need to be on one accord for a healthy and sustainable marriage. So it’s true, you really need to discuss everything.

Lesson 102: You Have To Be Open

Im an academic so I think Im an expert on everything. However I am not. Being married has forced me in a good way to be open to new ideas and methods. Change can be hard especially when you are use to doing things a certain way or having a certain perspective on a topic. For me, it felt as if I was relinquishing my power to someone else which made me uncomfortable because I wasn’t use to that. The truth is everyone has expertise in some things and none in others. And your partner should be there to carry the weight for the things you do not know. There is more power in being open to learning something new than refusing to learn at all.

Lesson 103: Marriage is FUN

Marriage is a ton of fun. It is an opportunity to build a strong and beautiful life with the person you love the most. There is always something new to learn or laugh about. Every single second is a new adventure and a chance to learn more about yourself and your spouse. It is the ultimate learning experience. I 100% agree that it makes you a better person. Mostly because you are constantly thinking about how your actions will affect the other person and therefore forces you to make the best decision unselfishly.

Lesson 104: Keep Outsiders Out Of Your Marriage

Marriage is fun but it is also takes effort and time to nurture and grow.  One thing I have learned is that “what happens in your marriage is between you and your spouse and no one else”. When we tell a story we usually make ourselves look good which can paint a very ugly picture of our spouse. It is ok to vent to a trusted friend every now and then but they don’t need to know every thing that goes on in your marriage. I also think it is fine to get advice from other married couples who have been married for awhile but venting to your single or newly married friends will cause other problems in your relationship (and that also includes your mother). If you are experiencing a season of challenges I would suggest seeking out a therapist or counselor for help.

My first year of marriage has been amazing. After a long trip to Japan, as soon as I exited the airport and saw Matt’s face I said to myself “here goes the rest of my life”. I have learned so many different things (mostly about the stock market and bitcoin, lol, just kidding). I hate using terms like “hard work” because it implies that there is difficulty in maintaining it. Of course, there are challenges and obstacles that arise which take a great deal of energy to overcome but it is not difficult to me because it is something that I want to do. I pray that everyone finds unconditional love. Someone who loves all the things that make you YOU.

From Aeriel, With Love


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